Trigger Warning: The following post, while meant to be educational in nature, also poses the risk of triggering trauma. Before reading, please make sure that you have the support and self-care you need to continue reading about sexual violence.
Following two recent sexual assaults in public transportation buses (one of which left the woman dead), Jakarta’s Governor Fauzi Bowo had some advice to prevent rape: women ought to ride a motorbike taxi side saddle, and no miniskirts if you plan to get in a taxi. Miniskirts might make the driver “fidgety” he says.
Fortunately, women are protesting his ludicrous, misogynistic, victim-blaming remarks.
But, actually, why aren’t men protesting the insult, too? Because let’s face it—blaming a woman in a miniskirt for “inviting” rape is saying something about men, too. It’s saying that when a man is attracted to a woman, he might have little choice but to use his penis to do violence toward another human being. What a twisted way to think about male sexuality. (Go here to see a 3-minute talk by Hugo Schwyzer on the “myth of male weakness.”)
So, just in case Bowo missed the memo: miniskirts don’t cause violence and rape is not about lust.
Rape is about power, dominance, misogyny, racism, and the worst forms of male entitlement. And oh yah, it’s not just about women—men get raped too. Rape is about hierarchies of masculinity played out via a sexualized form of violence.
Miniskirts have nothing to do with the matter. Really, if it was that simple, we would have figured this all out a long time ago. Patriarchy’s rape culture is a hell of a lot more complicated than miniskirts.
So, check back later this week for more information on what creates rape-culture. But, here’s a hint: rape-culture is positively addicted to blaming the victim and implying or directly stating that the victim is responsible for preventing the assault.
To get a feel for how much we are socialized to blame the victim, read this list about how to stop rape and consider why it almost seems comical to assign the responsibility to men.
But just to remember the good stuff happening: if you didn’t already know, there are lots of men working to end sexual violence. I mean, we gotta first thank the women pioneers who largely started these movements—women who courageously spoke out against violence from within many cultures and contexts—but there are many men who have now joined the work, too. Check out this U.N. page for one example of how men are educating men. Awesome.
I think Gov. Bowo could benefit from some education.
So, in summary, here’s some education for him: Men who rape will stop raping when other men stop making excuses for them. Men who rape will stop raping when other men learn from and join the seasoned women anti-violence workers who understand these issues from years of rigorous study and activism. Men who rape will stop raping when other men are fed-up with cultural messages that imply male sexuality is one miniskirt away from claiming the right to do violence to another human being.
Alright, I’ve got to get breakfast now and read some good poetry or go twirl in my backyard. This stuff is terrible to look at first thing in the morning. Make sure you go do something good for yourself, too.
Kimberly, you always teach me something and get me thinking. Here are some thoughts.
If I have a nice new bicycle and leave it unlocked somewhere and it gets stolen, it is not the “miniskirt” that gets the bicycle stolen, it is the thief that did the wrong, yet my friends and even the police would have little sympathy for me because I should know better than to leave my bicycle unlocked. I’d even blame myself.
Yet why shouldn’t I be able to leave my bicycle unlocked anywhere I wish? Why is the assumption that I am the stupid one and at fault? (In the 60s in my rural hometown I could leave my bike unlocked.)
Both rape and theft seem to be the case of someone wanting something, wanting it now, and placing their own interest above another’s. It applies to rapists; it applies to thieves, and to all kinds of human interactions all the time. Whether we use patriarchy, racism, or other hierarchies to excuse it, or it comes from a need to be one-up (power), or some kind of attack to get even (misogyny), in all cases the perpetrator puts their interests above another’s and makes some rationalization to justify it.
Our individualistic competitive culture is all about stealing (taking) from others to get what we want. Our culture calls some things illegal (rape or theft), but other forms of taking from others are tolerated and even celebrated. A couple instances come to mind. A real estate book I read talked about how to make great money by looking for “distressed” property. If you can find a house owned by a family that has just broken up via divorce or death you can often get a great deal. In other words, in the midst of their emotionally pain and exhaustion you can give them less than their property is worth and be a star real estate investor. In another case, I’ve seen parents and coaches of kids in youth sports teach the kids how to physically hurt the opponents for intimidation, congratulate them on doing it, and celebrate the resulting victory.
Maybe in the midst of celebrating how good we are at taking from others, we find it easy to tolerate when the rapists and thieves take from others. Or our own guilt keeps our mouths shut when others are harmed.
Alternately, and to end on a positive note, I read of a tribal culture where a hunter returning home with a bountiful catch of fish, obtained via his own skill and hard work, would never consider keeping all of the food, but would share with the entire village. In his culture, and therefore to him personally, anything less would be considered stealing.
Hi Hans! Thanks, as always, for your thoughtful engagement of complex issues. I went to sleep thinking about your comments here, and woke up thinking about them…and I am still sorting out a response. At times like this, I do wish I was face-to-face because dialogue is so much easier than blogosphere writing!
You raised a lot of points worth thinking deeply about. I think what I want to take up here…or, rather, the question that is being distilled down for me…. is that I am very curious about exploring what happens when we use metaphors? For me, juxtaposing the metaphor of theft to rape perhaps obscures a bit more than it reveals. (But, happy to have you push back here, of course, especially if I am not understanding correctly what you were thinking.) As we talked about in class this summer, theft has indeed been the prevailing metaphor for rape in the U.S. for a long time (rape was seen as theft of another man’s property).
I realize I am becoming more and more committed to trying to articulate how rape is not fundamentally an act of lust—but an act of power and violence. At least from what I have studied, I have found almost no correlation between the way a women dresses and whether or not she is attacked, so that’s where I would question the parallel between an unlocked bike and a miniskirt.
I know that it may seem counter-intuitive to claim there isn’t a correlation between rape and how much skin a woman shows. But, I think that’s because we are all saturated in a victim-blaming culture; and we are also socially conditioned to see women’s “alluring” sexuality as being the draw for rapists. Of course rape is sexualized violence, but, at least from what I have studied so far, rape is directly rooted in power differentials and hierarchies that society has set up—sexist, racist, classist, homophobic hierarchies that try to dehumanize the bodies and minds of others.
Thus, I think that even subtly focusing on how a women “provokes” or “allures” or “invites” a rapist to attack her, we’ve veered down the wrong direction (not that you did those things, of course). I think we fall into patriarchy’s trap here, actually—as soon as we look at the woman (or the male victim), instead of looking at how the rapist looks at the woman, if that makes sense. His “gaze” has been constructed to see a thing he can dominate. And, at least from what I have studied, whether she’s dressed from head to toe in a sweatsuit, or wearing a miniskirt, or 80 years old, rape does not seem to correlate to how a woman “advertises” her sexual appeal. So, that’s why the “unlocked bike” metaphor gets me thinking…I wonder about experimenting with other metaphors, just so we can brainstorm other ways of trying to conceptualize these things.
I think we are both trying to sort through some conceptually difficult, but really important ideas. As always, I really value your process and your contributions to this conversation. You always help me in my own learning process.
In gratitude,
Kimberly
The thing is: with men, people assume that they have a “lock”. With women, it is assumed that they are in a state of implied consent, that they have to do some extra action to withdraw that consent.
And I don’t really get that “unlocked bike” analogy, now that I think about it… the bike maybe unlocked, but it has an alarm. If you touch it, the alarm goes off and reminds you that you are being a criminal by what you are doing.
Furthermore I doubt that many people go around their business, see an unlocked bike and think “hm… I never thought about it before, but I think I’ll turn into a bike thief”. No. But bike thieves go around and check which bikes are easiest to steal without being caught. They know they are bike thieves, and they are looking for an opportunity. If a bike has a lock, they will try to get around it by any means they have.
Kimberley, you were very gentle in your response. It invites further comments and questions.
This is good stuff, I learn so much here. When plugging new ideas or insights into my head they ricochet around in there applying themselves to so many of my previous thoughts that it takes a while for them all to settle out. After four days of reflecting, I’m still not quite sure where to begin.
I guess I’ll start here. I didn’t mean to imply with my bike story that a woman victim of rape should be seen as property. In fact, I was thinking of something totally different than sexual violence that might have a similar root cause from a cultural standpoint. (Sorry, if I didn’t make that clear.) If our culture celebrates taking from others in many ways (my real estate and youth sports examples), then how does it simultaneously tell rapists and thieves they shouldn’t take from others to get what they want.
Does that make sense? When you talk of a “culture of rape” I thought this might be a contributing piece.
However, maybe this is simply an extension of the hierarchies which you state lead to violence including rape. Extending my real estate and youth sports example, don’t those situations set up hierarchies also? I am the savvy, smart real estate agent outsmarting the unsophisticated and dumb homeowner, or our team is tough and your team is a bunch of weaklings. Once we elevate ourselves, it seems appropriate to take from those that are less than us. I guess there are many psychological reasons why humans seem to need to one-up themselves over others, either individually or as groups.
When you spoke of hierarchies “dehumanizing” others I actually felt the impact of that statement. The dynamic became very clear to me for perhaps the first time. I wonder if we wish to take from others with violence so we set up dehumanizing hierarchies to rationalize our violence (colonization?), or if we dehumanize first, and then taking through violence simply seems appropriate. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
I’m also still trying to absorb rape not being fundamentally an act of lust. It seems to me to still be lust, using the tools of power and violence to carry it out (date rape?). However, I suppose there are persons that are just out to be violent for the power trip of it. The rape in the movie Rob Roy comes to mind as does the sexual violence occurring in Africa.
I know I’m still talking a lot about taking, which sounds like property and theft being associated with rape, but I’m thinking more of why the rapist’s mind justifies taking power, or dignity, from another human being.
I also completely believe that it is a cultural and/or psychological sickness that somehow justifies or excuses rape (or any percentage of it, like some court cases) in any way, no matter how a woman (or any other person) may dress or where they may choose to walk or live or even how they behave.
As I have given thought for a couple days to what I wrote in the previous paragraphs, I guess I’m starting to agree with you and come to understand rape as violence. To my mind no matter how a person might come across there is no excuse for rape. In other words, even if they intentionally behave in alluring, provocative ways for whatever reason, (the lust or sex part), there is still no way this justifies rape (the violence part). To me these are two distinct things. The choice of rape is a choice of violence.
How can an individual’s choice (to rape) become another person’s fault?
So, that is how far my thinking has gone to date. Thanks for bearing with my comments and questions. Reading what you write and then focusing my thoughts enough to write something in return is a process that helps me learn. I’ve been writing and changing this post all week as I reread and reflect on your posts.
Hans
Thanks so much, Hans. That is really helpful to see more of your ideas behind a culture of greed and theft…I tend to agree with you that such greed seems to be at the root of so much injustice.
I have been thinking about all these ideas a lot too…it’s a difficult theoretical puzzle, I think. Perhaps one of the missing pieces in my discussion is the importance of contextualizing rape. You gestured this way a bit when you talked about rape in war in Africa–I am thinking here of the Congo, in particular. And, of course, rape was used as a tool of war by the U.S. govt in the genocide of American Indians. Perhaps each context has different explanations. And truth be told, there are many feminist theorists with different explanations for what is going on in these various situations.
I think the problem is likely that this isn’t an either/or, because violence has so often been eroticized. There is an “erotics to domination,” as it’s said.
I suppose that from the stories I hear (and from the specific cases I study) it seems that often their is a lust for power and dominating/controlling/punishing another more at work than a sexual lust…and yet, the scary thing is that those two lusts can work together, of course.
Thus, in the diversity of opinions on all this, some thinkers would articulate that sexual lust is more at root in rape…because they argue that sexual lust has already become enmeshed with lust for violence, so that they are the same thing…yet, for different reasons of my own, I am exploring what happens when less focus is placed on sexual lust as being part of rape. I think that the various sides all illuminate and obscure various pieces of the puzzle. I will continue to think about why I have this “hunch” that if we see this as about something other than male lust toward women, we might understand it better…I am still very much in the thick of learning, though, and realize as we dialogue that I need to just be in this place of “unknowing” to try to arrive at more knowing, if that makes sense.
As a side note…maybe I will write on this in the future, but some sociologists think that in some contexts (like frats) rape of women is actually more about male homo-erotic bonding (being “one of the guys”) than even about male lust toward women. It’s an interesting theory…and one that becomes more convincing the more I look into it. I do like the idea of thinking about specific cultures/settings of rape and figuring out what exactly is going on in terms of how masculinity and sexuality is being defined. Perhaps this is something we just can’t universalize…
Anyways, you have got me thinking…my thoughts are continually evolving and changing, and I appreciate the good points you have raised. In particular, I think you are going down a very helpful track to think about the other kinds of violence (like colonialism) that are part of all these dehumanizing hierarchies of violence.
Ok, I am going to keep pondering/reading/studying. I look forward to more back-and-forth chats. I appreciate the generative nature of this dialogue and how thoughtfully you write, think, and feel.
Now, I need to do read some nourishing poetry.
This topic gets awfully hard to look at. I hope you have good self-care, too.
all the best,
Kimberly